Of love, life and double standards…

It came as a great shock to everyone when it was announced that Mr. Braimoh, also known as Daddy Bayo had taken a new wife. Well, not that he had walked another woman up the aisle or performed the traditional wedding rites on her, but he had gotten another woman pregnant. In African society, and indeed Nigerian, once a child is conceived in a relationship, it instantly takes another life of its own, regardless of the marital status of the intending parents.

A life time bond is instituted between the man and the mother of the child, regardless of their affection towards each other, even if the intimacy and desires between them burns out in future. The child, once paternity is accepted, becomes a part of the family, whether the woman holding the keys to the matrimonial legacy accepts it or not. It is this bond and the likely implications that ‘madams’ fear.

And so it was for Mummy Bayo, who after 20 years of marriage and a very closely knit bond (they are also business partners) between her and her husband had assumed that all the hurdles had been crossed and the union was now on autopilot. Considering their humble beginnings it was only natural for her and perhaps all those who know them to follow this pattern of thought. The two had met while at Secondary school, daddy Bayo was two years her senior and the first born of a local rich chief in their home town. He’d gone straight into the family business alongside his father, learning the ropes of the business as well as carving out a percentage of it for himself. Two years later while Mummy Bayo was in her final year,  the relationship was consummated and Bayo was conceived. Her family did not take kindly to the development but considering the local setting, especially financially and the willingness and readiness of the other family to take on the responsibility of both mother and child, the union was a done deal. So, she moved into Daddy Bayo’s family house and together, they began their life’s journey.

Daddy Bayo soon clung to his wife, left the family business and they branched out on their own, building their business to become even bigger than their father’s and the envy of many in the community. Like many wives’ Mummy Bayo was the last to know about her husband’s intimacy with another woman and by the time she did, the worst had already taken place. It was only natural that she ran to her own safe haven, her family.

This was where we came into the picture as extended family members.  Most considered it a great betrayal and did not fail to give Daddy Bayo a piece of caustic tongue lashing. After five lovely children who were doing well in their educational pursuit and a thriving joint business venture, why look for trouble? But many did not stop at the verbal intervention, they took their crusade to a much higher level. Mummy Bayo’s mother and siblings led the battle. They claimed responsibility for what had happened, it was obvious that they had become too relaxed about certain things. Daddy Bayo’s gentle mien, almost to the point of stupidity had fooled them so much that they thought him incapable of taking such a bold and daring step against his wife and children. They concluded that he must have been charmed by this other woman, otherwise, he would have thought twice about the implications of his amorous desires towards this strange woman. The situation was worsened especially after discovering that the new ‘wife’ was a divorcee with two children from a previous marriage. The ‘witch’, no matter how powerful her backers might be must not be allowed to sink her paws any deeper into Daddy Bayo’s heart and pocket.

It was a battle to be fought by any means possible by all willing stakeholders, mummy Bayo’s mother cried out to her kinsmen. And together, they fought. From one spiritualist to another, both far and near was consulted. Prophets, Wollis, and Olushos of various coloured garments, white, blue and possibly red were consulted, Alfas and herbalists did not escape the list, nothing must be left to chance. Baths were taken, concoctions were eaten and drank, incantations were recited, substances were sprayed and sprinkled anywhere and everywhere recommended.  Daddy Bayo’s project must fail.

His affair with the strange woman must be stopped. His love affection for her must turn to repel and hatred. They must become like day and night, incompatible, never to meet again. The lady and her backers had obviously jumped the fence without scrutinising and ensuring a safe landing for themselves. Many of us were surprised that she was even able to deliver the child safely. They must have done some consultation of their own too, we concluded. But in this game of deception, the one with the more tentacles and superior arsenals wins. She lost and so did Daddy Bayo, if indeed he was truly in love with the woman. As if under a spell, Daddy Bayo returned home one night with the little girl, barely a year old, slung across his shoulders and handed her over to Mummy Bayo, to be raised along with their five other children. We were informed that he even prostrated and swore never to cross his bounds ever again. Eight years after, Daddy Bayo has retired  even further into his old shell, a thoroughly subdued spirit.

For the full story, check the Vanguard newspaper.