Secrets of happy marriage? Respect, celebrate each other —Uma Ukpai

Evangelist, Rev. Dr Uma Ukpai is one of the few preach­ers who is vocal and blunt without minding the conse­quences. The septuagenarian, in an interview with Ef­fects at his Uyo office recently, spoke about his lifestyle, growing up and how far he has gone as a preacher.

Can you share with us some aspects of your giv­ing back to the soceity?

I wish I brought the pictures of the polytechnic I’m building. A polytechnic of N1 billion. I have already built administrative blocks of 92 rooms, e-library of 20 books, a lab for computer engineering, a computer science lab, a lab for electrical engineering, a lab for statistics. I’m pres­ently completing two hostels for 400 students and I have built a three-storey building for the rector and the bursar. I bought a dome in Canada and I have mounted the dome. The dome will serve as a multi-purpose of 1,500 students. We are tarrying the school now, we are tarring my second hospital. I am building an internet eye hospital. Where my friends overseas will participate in operating anybody in Ni­geria through the internet. I have built a general hospital about 15 years ago in my village.

Tell us about your growing up, the tantrums you played

I didn’t know he would live this long. In a way, I am grateful (to God). At the age of nine, I was already an estab­lished criminal. I would go to school with a snuff box and if they were teaching a lesson I didn’t like, I would blow air into the snuff box and the air would carry the tobacco into the classroom and that would be the end of that lesson. I would sneeze with everybody and I would cough with everybody. I was very stubborn. At the age of 10, my cousin taught me how to smoke Indian hemp. Anybody with the kind of profile I had is not expected to live long. If I hadn’t met Christ at the age of 10, I think I would have been dead by now. I am even shocked that God saved me and I am able to live up to now. I did so many unprintable things I cannot even say now because of the shame that goes with them. It never crossed my mind that I would be among those that would live up till now. It is a pleasant surprise. I am thankful and grateful to God. It makes me excited and I am fulfilled that I have lived this long.

Until I met Christ, I had no dream. If I had one, it was to eat well, play hard and shock my parents and friends with my nuisance values. I took delight in surprising people. When I met Christ (my father had died and then I moved on and joined my uncle in Bori in Ogoni, Rivers State), a mad man came to our school and pursued everybody. He was a healthy looking man and he made me wonder if the life of a mad man wasn’t better than that of a normal per­son. He came into the school and he was stark naked. His name was Deco. As people were running away from him in school, God said to me that I could also make him run away. It was a strange voice that I heard. I commanded the mad man to roll out of the school. He fell and he rolled out of the school. I used to put lizard into his father’s cup of water as retaliation each time the father flogged him.

My father never spanked me when everybody was awake. He would flog me between 2am and 3am. The next day, I would find a good small lizard and put it inside his cup of water and cover the cup. When he opened the cup, the lizard or toad would jump out, it was my way of retaliating for flogging me.

Going down memory lane, there was a time you made a tough decision where you had to choose to save your wife and not your kids. At times, don’t you regret such decision?

Before the accident that claimed the lives of my kids, God had told me there would be a day He would not an­swer my prayer. This was after a big crusade I conducted in Lagos. God said He would test me. Every man’s faith must be tested. In that discussion, I told God that he could take away everything from me but not my wife. I told Him if he would remove my wife, then the pillar that held the house would collapse. That day, by 5am, an armed robber had broken into my office and removed every equipment we owned. That same day, they removed every printing machine I had. I told my wife that might be the day God had warned me about. Before then, some people had fasted with me and we were asking God to change His mind. God said no school graduates any man without testing the man. We left Uyo with two vehicles. I was driving ahead of the second car. When my driver who was driving the sec­ond car got to a very sharp corner, he stepped on his brake suddenly and the car somersaulted and went into the river with the roof of the car. My children were in the vehicle. I dived into the river to save the children and my wife did the same. She knew she couldn’t swim even up till now. She was drowning behind me. She had been thrown up six times and it was remaining one more time. I thought if I saved my wife, my prayer would bring my children back to  life. I brought out the children and I took them inside the car to pray for them. But another vehicle from the opposite direction drove into that car and smashed the chest of the engine and the bonnet and the bumper. I remembered that God had said there would be a day he wouldn’t answer my prayer. I resigned and gave up. The good news is that since that time, God has given us back all the things we lost. My wife kept giving birth each year until she got tired of having children. We have replaced our printing press. We lost three cars that day but God has replaced those cars 10 times over. God said for handling that crisis very well, he would bless me with 100 angels that would accompany me anywhere I want to go. I made a choice. I asked God to spare my wife. When a man loses his children, he can weep with his wife. But when a man loses his wife, he weeps alone. He wouldn’t even want the children to see his tears. It made sense to me then to save my wife. It still makes sense to me today even 30 years after.

How did you meet your wife?

We are from the same village. Her father loved me be­cause at one time I used to be very brave and they liked me for that. Her brother was my friend, but none of them contributed to that decision till now. It never crossed my mind. I was in America preaching in Kenton, Ohio when I said to the woman who was paralysed to stand up and fold her wheel chair.

The girl, who brought me to that service said to me no other girl would marry you but me and if you say no I will shoot you and shoot myself. So I was forced to go into one month fast, wanting to escape that trap. God showed me my wife in a revelation. Because we are from the same village I just told God you made a wrong choice; you should have asked me who is a good girl and it is not this girl. I did not want to tell her. In the first place, she was young at 25 years then. I didn’t want to marry a baby. As far as I know, 25 years is what you call the end of the age of confusion. I waited for two years but I told God I would marry her only on one condition. She had written a book she called, Mother I have found a man. She walked up to me and asked me what I would do if God revealed a girl to me. I told her I will tell the girl to apply and she retorted: ‘Don’t you think you are arrogant?’ I replied, ‘No just say I have self-respect. Being a preacher if I propose to you now you’ll tell the whole world that the man of God is chasing me. Then she said what if I’m the girl? I said to her, then tell me you are the person. She wrote a very beautiful book and was very honest. She said God had revealed to her that I will be her husband. We have been married for 33 years and we have quarrelled only twice. Being a confirmation, an affirmation and attestation that she was the right choice.

Tell us the Secret of happy marriage

She knows I’m the husband. She respects me, and rev­erences me and loves me and helps me fulfill my calling. I celebrate her because the most expensive thing in life is to marry a pretty girl that wants to be celebrated; they don’t take nonsense. If you don’t want trouble, please celebrate her.

Second, you lose to win in marriage. Even when your wife has wounded or hurt you please don’t emphasise it, de-emphasise it. Make sure you put money into her hand even though she has money and do it weekly. Third, when she asks you for money give her more than she asked for and fourth, when she dresses up for service, turn, ponder and celebrate her; don’t just look at her as though you are a muumuu. Say to her you are gorgeously dressed; you are mesmerising me greatly.

Fifth, accept her relations and her parents particularly; take care of them as you take care of your own parents. If she has a brother invest in that brother, if she has a sister invest in her sister; they will always speak for you because they have eaten your food. No man eats your food without giving you praise. So, make sure you invest in those areas. Sixth, love her children. It’s very confusing that men love women but women celebrate children, they adore children. To a woman it’s a beginning of her unending laughter, so if you want your wife to love you love her children, take care of them. Send them to good schools and celebrate them.

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